FYI, there’s a totally right way and a totally wrong way to address jealousy in a relationship. But one thing’s for sure—feeling a little jealousy and insecurity is completely normal (go ahead and take a big sigh of relief!).
Sorry to say it, but pangs of “normal” jealousy are something you’ll probably never escape (um, did he just flirt with that girl in the bar right in front of me?). Unhealthy jealousy, on the other hand, can definitely be managed with a little bit of hard work and emotional discovery (it’s all in my head, he’s just being nice to her!).
The truth? We all want to be loved, and when we think we’ve found the one, it’s normal to let fear creep in to prepare us for the worst-case scenario. But don’t let those jealous behaviors run the show—here are three essential tips for squashing and dealing with insecurity before it gets the best of you and your relationship.
1. Be respectfully honest with your partner and yourself
There’s no doubt communication is key when it comes to a healthy, thriving relationship. But what makes someone good at communicating? One word: Honesty! No, not brutal honesty—just honesty. Brutal honesty tends to tell the truth without considering the other person’s feelings. Although I don’t necessarily condone “sugar coating” your truth, there is another way to communicate how you feel without tearing the other person to shreds. And it starts with being honest with yourself, first and foremost.
You simply can’t solve a problem if you refuse to acknowledge it in the first place. But, hey, I get it: when we’re head-to-head with big scary feelings such as jealousy, fear and rejection, it’s difficult to siphon these emotions into proper communication techniques. Instead, we need to get comfy with our feelings—our true feelings—so we can properly communicate them without judging your partner’s behavior for something they may or may not have done wrong. Otherwise, if you downplay your feelings, you and your partner risk engaging in a heated debate, feeling more disconnected and detached than ever before, without ever addressing the actual issue at hand.
If you want to be heard and learn to let go of jealousy with your significant other, you have to start owning your sh*t. Start by sharing your deepest feelings with your partner—even when it feels scary.
2. What is your jealousy trying to tell you?
In my opinion, jealousy gets a bad rap (ever heard the phrase “the green monster of jealousy” before?). True, how you act upon your jealousy can make or break a relationship—but the jealousy, itself, can actually reveal some useful information about yourself or your partner. So, instead of running away from the discomfort, why not lean into it?
For example, has your partner recently broken your trust? Has he cheated on you in the past? If so, it’s the breach of trust that’s the real problem. On the other hand, maybe your significant other hasn’t done anything to show you he’d actually be unfaithful to you. For example, maybe you’ve actually been projecting your insecurities on him after seeing an old high school friend who’s skinnier than you. If so, it’s your insecurities that need attention.
It’s okay to start thinking of jealousy as your brain communicating that something is off. Learn to dive deeper into those feelings—they may be waving a red flag you never explored before.
3. If you’re dealing with insecurities, it’s time to take it to the next step
When you choose to give into your insecurities, you’re choosing to push love away. Instead, when you worry that your partner will leave you, you’re creating tension, and you can bet your partner has noticed. They’ll start to feel like they’re being watched—like you don’t trust or love them. Unfortunately, when this happens, the chances of your significant other leaving you become greater.
So, how can you stop the vicious cycle of insecurity? You work on loving yourself first. Until you learn to love yourself unconditionally, you’ll never feel truly happy in your romantic relationships. When you choose to love yourself for who you are, you wholeheartedly accept that you’re deserving of the love you crave. Therefore, when thoughts of insecurity creep in, it’ll be easier for you to dismiss them, knowing damn well that you’re a catch, and any guy would be lucky enough to have you.
I know, I know—easier said than done. But taking a few first steps can be essential in getting to where you want to be.
That’s where I come in!
When you work with me, I’ll help you discover why you feel big scary feelings like jealousy and insecurity, and I will equip you with the necessary tools to learn how to love yourself unconditionally for the rest of your life. More confidence? Yes, please! Contact me today to schedule a low-key, no-pressure, no-commitment phone call to see if I’m a good fit for you and to answer any questions you might have.