Stop Saying Yes To Sh*t You Hate

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, I would make sure I had plans for big events like the Super Bowl.


Simply put, I didn’t want to feel left out when everybody else was getting together. I mean, seriously, is there anyone in the world who doesn’t like watching the Super Bowl?

Oh yeah, me! I don’t like football, crowds OR small talk. Yet, I found myself doing all three of these things at once. Because that makes sense, right?

Here’s another story for you:

Early last week, I was asked to do something for someone who happens to be a colleague, client and friend of mine (and someone I adore).

The moment I read her email asking her request, I knew my answer was no. True, it was something that could have taken me 5 minutes, max. But my gut said no. So, I sent a quick response telling her I didn’t want to do it.

Her response? “Thanks for the honesty ❤️.”

Here’s the thing: we get so wrapped up in saying yes to other people because we don’t want to hurt their feelings or make them mad. We say yes because we worry they may not like us. But, by doing this, we are creating inauthentic relationships, not only with ourselves, but with others. We aren’t being truthful. And when that happens, our fake self is the one connecting with other people. The result? Surface relationships (duh!).

There is so much power, peace, contentment and freedom in doing your own thing. Think about it: do you sit around worrying (or even caring) what other people are doing? And honestly, do you really even want to do what everyone else is doing, anyway?

There’s truly something magical about going your own way and doing your own thing.

Self-Awareness Is The First Step

The only way to create real, truthful connections is to just be yourself and speak your truth. But how can you speak your truth when you’re not exactly sure who you are in the first place? Grab your journals, ladies and gents. Here are a few questions to get you started!

1. What are your values?

What’s important to you? Your health? Helping others? Your finances? Take a moment to think about what matters most to your wellbeing and what you ultimately stand for. Your answers might surprise you!

2. What are your interests?

This is a fun and hopefully easy one to answer! What do you like to do? Paint? Exercise? Read? Volunteer? To make things easier, ask yourself these questions: What do you pay attention to? What are you curious about?

3. Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Do you get energy from being around people (extrovert) or do you get energy from being alone (introvert)? Knowing the answer to this question could help you understand which situations could help you flourish and which could drain you.

4. What are your strengths?

What are you good at? Strengths could include abilities, skills and talents, but they could also include things like being a great listener. Knowing where you excel gives you a greater sense of self-esteem. And having a greater sense of self-esteem means feeling confident in saying no to sh*t you hate.

Nothing is worth it if you aren’t happy.

As cliché as it may sound, you only have one shot at this life. Are you really willing to spend it unhappy (i.e. saying yes to things you hate)? The good news is you don’t have to. Owning your sh*t goes way beyond relationships with other people—it starts with the relationship you have with yourself. Which means the key to your best life yet starts with YOU.

You have the power to have a more meaningful, energizing, and fulfilling life—and you get to do it right now, without anyone else’s permission but your own. What steps will you take to become more happy in life T-O-D-A-Y? Contact me today to schedule a low-key, no-pressure, no-commitment phone call to to see if I’m a good fit for you and to answer any questions you might have. If we’re a good match, we’ll select the best way to work together (individual coaching, group coaching and/or customized programs). Click here to learn more!

Lisa Panos

Lisa Panos is a Certified Life Coach and Author who helps people stop struggling and start thriving in their personal and professional relationships. Trained by Dr. Martha Beck (aka, Oprah’s Life Coach), Lisa helps her clients create new, healthy relationships, mend those that are broken, or say goodbye to ones that no longer serve them. She combines highly effective coaching tactics with an explosive arsenal of personal experience that swiftly moves people out of dysfunction and into a place of deep inner strength.


  1. My wife keeps telling me the exact same thing. I struggle with disappointing people. However, I’m on a journey to be more assertive. I want to be able to say No without appearing arrogant. Every day is a single step. Thank You for the post, Lisa.

  2. Bonniey,

    You are most welcome. And, I love that you are taking the steps to say NO more often. It will get easier with practice. May I ask why you feel you are being arrogant when you speak your truth?


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