Hi, I'm Lisa
A TOTALLY-AUTHENTIC, NO-BULLSHIT, CUT-TO-THE-CHASE CERTIFIED LIFE COACH AND AUTHOR OF THE BOOK, BIG GIRL PANTS.
By working through big emotions like jealousy, anger, frustration, and resentment, I help my clients improve their relationship(s) by working on themselves first—to own their sh*t before pointing the finger.
Trained by Dr. Martha Beck (aka, Oprah's Life Coach) and The Gottman Institute, I teach people how to create the drama-free, non-toxic, super-satisfying relationships they’ve always craved. I combine highly effective coaching tactics with an explosive arsenal of personal experience to swiftly move them out of dysfunction and into a place of deep inner strength. Goodbye drama, hello peace!
How Owning My Side of the Story Changed Everything
In my work, I talk about Big Scary Feelings (BSF), defense mechanisms, and how to stop living in the problem, or as I prefer to say, how to put on those big girl pants and own your sh*t.
And I get it. For much of my life, I ran hard and fast from those Big Scary Feelings, attempting to protect myself from the things I feared most:
- That I wasn’t as smart as everyone else.
- That people judged me.
- That I had zero control over my life.
Here’s a freeze-frame of what my life was like...
The Early Years
A 3-day suspension from middle school. That was my consequence for the mean-girl spree I’d been on since the beginning of 7th grade.
Spreading rumors about other girls, being mean as hell…
I didn’t understand it at the time, but I’d indulged in some seriously unacceptable behavior that was driven by those gnarly subconscious defense mechanisms to hide the fact that I felt like the dumbest kid in my hoity-toity private school.
I was so ashamed at what I’d done and those BSFs had me feeling paralyzed and defeated.
This is where I began to learn that my behavior had consequences—that my actions stemmed from my own internal world and my fear of not being good enough. This phase was important as it started my path to inner growth. Although, I had to f*ck up a lot more until I fully understood what this actually meant...
The Not-So Early Years
Years later, despite my best efforts to create an amazing family life for myself, the result was more like a path of domestic destruction.
Although my marriage started off as happy and healthy, my husband and I eventually began fighting all the freaking time. The stress of my perfectionism, plus not having the tools to create a strong relationship, caused feelings of insecurity and major anxiety. My desire to keep up with the Jones’ wasn’t working.
The result? I found myself swimming in a steaming pot of toxic behavioral-soup as I did my best to “deal with” my issues.
In counseling, we would work through each issue as it arose, never really learning why we couldn’t get out of the spin cycle of drama. We didn’t see below the surface. All we knew was that our relationship didn’t feel like it did when we were first dating, and that scared me. I started to wonder what was wrong with us.
Eventually, my anxiety morphed into anger which I aimed directly at my husband and inevitably...it led to our divorce. I took every opportunity to blame the whole messy thing on him—I had no interest in looking at my part—owning my sh*t was too painful.
I was left with more shame, more guilt, more dysfunctional relationship drama.
This was NOT the life I’d planned for myself.
Taking The “DYS” Out Of Dysfunctional: My Transformation
So? After years of that crazy dysfunctional drama, what did I do?
I started down a path of inner growth and self-awareness and have never looked back. Of course, I still get a bit outta whack at times, but I’ve learned how to stop, acknowledge my feelings and own my own sh*t, reframe the situation, and change courses..
In fact, I married a new man, and our relationship is the healthiest one I’ve ever had. This isn’t just a coincidence—the reason it’s going so well is because of the changes I’ve made for myself.
And here’s one thing I know for sure...
I may not be able to control everyone else or anything else (nor do I desire to anymore), but I can control one thing: Who I am and how I react when I feel the Big Scary Feelings like insecurity, fear, and jealousy.
You want to create the relationships you crave? Be the change you want to see.
Amen, goodnight, and hallelujah.
Let me show you how...
