Through the years, we’ve talked a lot about different kinds of relationship advice on this blog: how to combat jealousy, 4 tips to diffusing an argument with your spouse, how to apologize correctly, and so much more.
Yes, all of these tried-and-true tricks of the trade are extremely important to your marriage—but one simple change in your behavior can really transform your love life. Can you guess what it is?
You need to start shifting into a positive perspective.
Surprise! I’m sure this one doesn’t shock you. Also, easier said than done, right?
Bear with me here. Creating a positive perspective (aka, focusing on what’s going well versus what’s not) takes a lot of practice, but it’s absolutely worth the effort. Here’s why…
According to The Gottman Institute, try thinking of your perspective strictly as math: “if you’ve got more good than bad, you have a positive. If you have more bad than good, you have a negative.”
Ergo, the more positive you are, the more goodness you’ll invite into your life. The more negative you are…well, you get the idea.
A negative mind will never give you a positive life.
Now, let’s tackle this idea as it relates to your relationship.
Think about a time you’ve been really happy (like, really happy). Were you on vacation? Were you out with your girlfriends for a few drinks? Were you surrounded by family during the holidays? Maybe you just got a job promotion, or a raise.
I’ll bet you a million bucks you didn’t have a care in the world that week.
Husband didn’t do the dishes? No sweat. Kids didn’t make the bed? It’s cool! Who needs a tidy room anyway?
Jokes aside, when you’re approaching life with a positive mindset, you’re more likely to give your partner the benefit of the doubt—the little things just don’t get to you. Even better, you’re less focused on finding the faults in your relationship.
Now, I want you to think of a time you were really down in the dumps, angry, frustrated, or sad. Did your best friend say or do something that hurt your feelings? Did you have a bad day at work? Did you drop an entire bottle of wine, only to have it shatter all over your kitchen floor?
You probably lost your freakin’ mind, didn’t you?
Well, maybe it didn’t get *that* dramatic—but I bet you felt pretty negative for the rest of the day (dare I say week?). If so, it probably spilled over into every aspect of your relationship.
That’s because when you shift into a negative perspective, you become highly sensitive and tuned into your loved one’s mistakes. Even worse, their good intentions and positive actions tend to fall flat. For example, maybe you start interpreting your husband’s every move, assuming he’s angry with you, even when you have no reason to think that.
On the flipside, when you shift into a positive mindset, you’re more likely to remember your partner’s good intentions and, well, reality (He’s not being distant with me, he told me earlier that he lost a bunch of sleep last night!).
With this perspective, you’ll be able to approach your relationship with kindness and understanding. All of this positivity contributes to the closeness you feel with your spouse—not to mention every other aspect of your life, including your career, children, friendships, and more!
Sounds pretty amazing, right?
Well, good news! You can start shifting your mindset as soon as possible. All it takes is acknowledging what your S.O. is doing right, rather than what they’re doing wrong.
And no, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset or frustrated ever again. Sometimes it’s okay to be mad that you asked your significant other to do the dishes ten times in 24 hours. Things happen. But wouldn’t your life be much better if you let the little things roll off your back so you can save all of your f*cks for the big stuff?
The bottom line: You have a choice of which perspective you’re going to take each day. Which one will you choose?
—
Ready to transform your relationship?
I offer a proven approach to help you build the fulfilling, true relationship you desire. Think of this as an actionable plan for fixing your relationship. In other words, I’m not just teaching you what to do—but how to do it.
Contact me today to schedule a low-key, no-pressure, no-commitment phone call to see if I’m a good fit for you and to answer any questions you might have.
